A very cool interview with Zak Branner in October's inVOGUE magazine http://www.invoguehommes.com/

Zak talks about lots of aspects of his SLife including his photography, his work with MANifesto, and the bit I am REALLY excited about.. RED's nightclub where I happen to be one of the '7 Deadly Sins' Dancers. I even made it into the mag, hehe. Check it out on P77-83. Im not in uniform for the pic thou, so if you wanna see that I guess your just gonna have to come along and party!! ;P

I am happy to say that as well as a cool and pretty easy going person to work for, Zak is also turning into a good friend. I am very happy to be getting to know him. He may make you work a little to allow that, but some people are worth the effort, right :)

So, lots of other stuff has happened, including, omg.. big news! I got partnered :)
Matty Goldlust made me the happiest little vamp on the grid on Tues 30 September, when after a whirlwind romance he sent me the request and we committed to sharing our SLifes. He is the sweetest, sweetest, did I say he was sweet? Sweetest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Sexy, and funny, and caring, and fun, and great dress sense! hehe. (I kno he wud love me to throw that bit in.) Bit of an obsession with Britney, but I can forgive him, cuz him JUS SO LUVVELY. So I am very happy, yes. Happy, and yes, committed. Really really want things to work out this time. And.. typing that, I cant help but reflect on my first SL love at this point of posting, all the mistakes I made that I see so clearly now, how much it hurt to say goodbye. But I have learned much from that relationship, and Im happy to say that Im at a point now where it feels like we can be friends again. A part of me will always love him, and thats good I think, becuz it means it was real. He has a good life now and Im happy for him. We all deserve love and happiness, and just cuz we wasnt right for each other dont mean we are bad people. It just means that we needed to find another way to relate, if we were worth anything to each other at all.. and I think we were. And I hope he will always be around in my SLife in some way, and that he gives me his blessing as I move forward in my own relationship. Im sure he does. I hope so anyway.

So as far as this blog goes, I havent been updating for the longest time. Mainly becuz I have had alot of upset and problems in SL that I just didnt have the energy to write about. But it seems like things have finally turned a corner, and I feel like I finally am making a SLife that I can begin to be proud of. Not for the sake of show, Im not about 'proving' anything.. more for the sense of self worth, self confidence.. just feeling happy really. It's all I've ever wanted. Theres been too much heartache, too many secrets, too much crushing of my own feelings for the sake of other peoples. But theres only so long you can go on like that. I have been in SL nearly a year now, and my rezzday seems as good a time as any to make new starts. Including the way I post in this blog, which I have decided to turn into a 'positivity' blog to try and reflect that wish, and to some extent, how far I have come in achieving that. Meaning, I want to focus in the main on writing about the good things that happen to me, so that when I feel sad or low or lonely I can look here and remind myself that there are good things in my life. Things, people, happy moments, love, friends. I read somewhere about a guy who did a similar thing and I thought it wud be a good idea for me, being that I am a ickle bit emo and sometimes I need reminding that sometimes actually things on the whole are okay. Everyone has bad days, low moments.. those are part of life and shape us as people and teach us lessons if we are open to learning them. And I do feel sad for some of the things I have lost as my life has switched gear and reshaped, the people who cant bring themselves to support me as I make those changes, but I guess no change comes without sacrifice, sad as that is, and Im just gonna have to accept peoples feelings and limitations around my decisions for my own personal happiness, and try to live my SLife the best way I can. I dont think Im a bad person for having my own mind and making my own judgements about things. But anyway..

So, focusing on the happy, here is a couple of pictures of me and my darling Matty. He is such a sweetheart! Did I mention that already? hehe.

Me n Matty

And yes, me. Put this here, jus becuz. I got told i shud smile more lol, so here it is. You scared yet?! haha :)= Dont worry, i dont bite.. often, lol.

I will love you forever, whatever happens. Till I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I’ll drift about forever, all my atoms, till I find you again.
I’ll be looking for you every moment, every single moment. And when we do find each other again, we’ll cling together so tight that no one’ll ever tear us apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you.. we’ll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams. And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we’ll be joined so tight.

~ Philip Pullman, The Amber Spyglass

*

For JG.

Times like now is when I miss you most.
If it's even possible to miss you any more than completely.

<3 always

Not too much to report. I am pretty happy! Good things happening for me in world :)) In part cuz I am enjoying new opportunities, and also cuz basically I am fixing up my attitude with the help of some good buddies, and I feel so much better about myself and things in general. So, enjoying socialising, and also moving on with my photography, working on improving that and have some future plans for that, and generally solidifying some good friendships in between work and play. Also joined a RP community but I have a LOT to learn for that! So, no comment on that just yet.
And since I feel so happy and bouncy hehe, here is a fun song that makes me smile, and the video makes me LOL!
Here's a dude with some of my problems, haha! KUDOS TO YOU, vertically challenged homie! /me laughs!

... in every generation there are a few souls, call them lucky or cursed, who are simply born not belonging, who come into the world semi-detached, if you like, without strong affiliation to family or location or nation or race; that there may even be millions, billions of such souls, as many non-belongers as belongers, perhaps; that, in sum, the phenomenon may be as "natural" a manifestation of human nature as its opposite, but one that has been mostly frustrated, throughout human history, by lack of opportunity. And not only by that: for those who value stability, who fear transience, uncertainty, change, have erected a powerful system of stigmas and taboos against rootlessness, that disruptive, anti-social force, so that we mostly conform, we pretend to be motivated by loyalties and solidarities we do not really feel, we hide our secret identities beneath the false skins of those identities which bear the belongers' seal of approval. But the truth leaks out in our dreams; alone in our beds (because we are all alone at night, even if we do not sleep by ourselves,) we soar, we fly, we flee. And in the waking dreams our societies permit, in our myths, our arts, our songs, we celebrate the non-belongers, the different ones, the outlaws, the freaks. What we forbid ourselves we pay good money to watch, in a playhouse or movie theatre, or to read about between the secret covers of a book. Our libraries, our palaces of entertainment tell the truth. The tramp, the assassin, the rebel, the thief, the mutant, the outcast, the delinquent, the devil, the sinner, the traveller, the gangster, the runner, the mask: if we did not recognize in them our least-fulfilled needs, we would not invent them over and over again, in every place, in every language, in every time.

~ Salman Rushdie, 'The Ground Beneath Her Feet'

as stolen from various blogs

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

So, following on from my flickr meme and my answer to question 9, here is another little thing to do. Give yourself 1 mark per statement if you agree it describes you, 1/2 a mark if you think it partly describes you, and zero if you think it doesn't describe you at all. Give it some thought and try to be really honest with yourself. Mark out of 10 indicates how at peace (or not) you are with yourself and the world, and what might need a little work to lead you to greater personal happiness. Go!

Some symptoms of inner peace:

~ A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences. (0)

~ An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment. (1/2)

~ A loss of interest in judging other people. (1)

~ A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others. (0)

~ A loss of interest in conflict. (1/2)

~ A loss of the ability to worry. (0)

~ Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation. (1)

~ Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature. (1)

~ An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen. (1/2)

~ An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others, as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it. (1/2)

My score: 5 out of 10

So, I have alot of work to do in some areas of my outlook and the way I interact with people, yes. Cuz happiness has to start from within. Its good to reflect, I think. /me nods.